Out Where?


I’m 36 and single.

For about four years, I stopped dating and turned my focus on me. I worked on becoming a better, happier, healthier version of myself. Last year, I decided that it was time to start dating again. I attempted online dating. I went on a few dates but they were not great; mostly just guys who were not really interested in dating but rather just looking hooking up with me which is not really what I am looking for. There was one guy who I did like, but I soon realized he actually faked most of his profile. I eventually removed my profile since I really wasn’t getting any suitable prospects and felt that my energy could be used on more fruitful projects.

So here I am ready to date, but what do I do?

People tell me to “put myself out there” but what does that really mean? That is probably the WORST thing you can tell a single person. If you have any single friends, on behalf of all of us, please refrain from telling / asking if we are “out there”. What the hell does that even mean? Out where? Is there a secret place where all the singles are congregating to meet potential suitors. Can you give me the address?

Last week, I was out and about three different nights of the week. I had dinner at the Inn at Pound Ridge with a blogging friend on Tuesday (subscribe to her blog so you don’t miss the recap), I went to the opera (alone) on Wednesday, and went to dinner at the Russian Tea Room with Irish Kat (which you will read about this week). Yes, when I went out, my focus wasn’t necessarily to meet men, but to spend time with my friends. However, what is the best way to meet men? Sit at a bar? Hope that the guy sitting next to you is a) single, and b) not an alcoholic.

I do not expect anyone to show up at my door, like Andrew Lincoln in Love Actually
I do not expect anyone to show up at my door confirming my awesomeness, a la Andrew Lincoln in Love Actually

I’m not sitting on my couch, watching Big Bang Theory, waiting for my Prince Charming knock on my door looking for a date for the ball. I talk to everyone I meet. I try to be friendly and inviting towards everyone (men and women, cause you never know who knows someone with potential). I playfully ask people if they know any nice men to introduce me to. It not like I’m not trying. I get the “why don’t you go on line” and honestly, I can’t believe that the online dating is the ONLY way to meet people. It’s not like you just go on Amazon and order a boyfriend.

Reflecting on my successfully married friends, I think about how they met. The new parents, Doc & Moneyman, met in the cafeteria of their college. Brooklyn and The German met when buying a pack of gum. The Wizard and his muggle (yet magnificent) wife, met playing volleyball at the NJ shore. I’m not knocking the internet. I do have friends who met on line and are now living their happily ever afters. Team Garrett, one of my favorite couples in the world, is a match made on the internet. Brooklyn’s sister met her lovely husband online and they now have a beautiful family with two amazing little boys. I know there is validity to online dating, but I don’t think it is the medium I am best suited for.

If anyone has any ideas, or the location of “Out There”, please send them my way.

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11 thoughts on “Out Where?”

  1. You and my sister, Jimmie, could chew the fat for hours. I almost thought I was reading her blog there for a second! Lol! Good luck, I refuse to say any of the cliche stuff, because Jimmie would wring my neck!

  2. My other favorite is “when you stop looking for him, he will show up.” The hell? If I stop looking for him, that means I don’t want him anymore and when he does show up, I’ll kick him to the curb, firmly in the nuts.

    You don’t seem to be waiting to live your life which I applaud. I can find lots of happy things to do, just for me. Right now I get to make every decision based on what *I* want. I suppose there is something good to be found in that. Sure would be nice to find the make out partner, though, no?

    1. So right! The more stuff I do and try, the more interesting I become. I add more fun facts to lure interesting people in to my bubble and hopefully find one to keep in there 🙂
      Good Luck, Jimmie! I hope we find good kissers!

  3. Oh man, I feel you! Yesterday my friends kept saying they were going to just make me an online dating profile since they are convinced I need a man… But I am so not okay with online dating since I feel like everyone just wants to hook up. I just keep hoping I will meet someone at the gym or through friends or something. Good luck lady! I am right there with you!

  4. Hello,
    It’ll happen when you least expect it! Turn your cablight on! Don’t look for the right person, be the right person! GAG! These are all said by the people who met their future spouses at 14 and never actually were OUT there. Ignore all of that nonsense!
    As someone who was single for a very long time before meeting the other half of Team Garrett, believe me I can relate to everything you just said!
    Read this amazing book called “How To Be Single” by Liz Tucilio (one of the Sex and the City writers/producers) and it sounds just like your blog today!
    Yes, we met on Match (both of us aged 36), but I can’t tell you how many first dates I went on before my last first date. Perseverence and luck is all I can tell you for the world of Online dating.
    My other suggestion that has worked in the past for me and would likely work for you is 8 minute dating or speed dating. I met the 1 year boyfriend before hubby there and I told myself if nothing else, I’ll get a good story out of it and know in very short time that these guys are Single, Straight and Looking. It was a lot of fun acutally!
    You are currently living an amazing life and being a wonderful person. It’s worth waiting for the right one who will notice all that you are and be the best complement it.
    Love,
    Lady Garrett

    1. I Love You Lady Garrett! Between all the members of your family, Doc’s family, and pretty much every person who has ever met me, I’ve got an army of angels praying for me. It can’t be too far off. I’m going to keep my head up (Woah-oh Andy Grammer style) and keep being me; some unattached, male who surpasses the requirements will recognized the greatness that is Souzapalooza…. eventually 🙂

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