I Wish You Were Here

Today’s your birthday and I wish you were here.

I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy, happy – Incubus

My heart shattered in to a million pieces when I heard you had died, and it has hurt every day over the past 5 weeks, as it tries to fuse back together. I’m not even really sure how we became friends, but I’m grateful for every moment we had together. You were always entertaining, laughing, singing, making jokes, craving blue skies and sunshine. How many times did you tell me “The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and I’m a happy guy” – everytime I saw you? I always think of you laughing.

I don’t like to think that you are gone for good. You use to say, “Life is easy, it’s living that is hard”. On days like today, living is hard. I like to imagine that you are on the house boat you always wanted; renting it for fishing excursions while you tattoo on dry land during the day – forever the entrepreneur. I’m sorry I didn’t stop by all those times I told myself I should check in on you. Maybe it is better that I didn’t.

I know you and Ricky are together again. I know that you heard me screaming at the two of you when I was in the woods. You guys kept me safe and help me get to the finish. I know you hate when I cry, and I’ve been trying so hard not to, but it hurts. V-Rock is around and shares the memories, and sometimes an texting rant of my pain. Some days it is hard to tell if he makes it easier or harder, not that it is his fault, my mind just defaults to memories of all of us together. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten your famous, “If I’m talking to you at 3am, nothing good can be happening” speech. I don’t know if V-Rock ever heard it, but I’ll make sure he knows. Even though you aren’t here, I know you’ll be watching… most likely when I’m showering – because ghosts do that you know!

I hear you laughing…

It is what it is, we will get through, and the world will spin madly on.


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