I am not sure what it is but I’m feeling very stagnant. There is a feeling I get at the beach, when I stand where the sand and water meet. I can feel the water rush over my feet as I gaze out at the water. I eventually realize that the ocean has washed over my toes so many times that it has locked me in to the sand. Adding my current situation to this metaphor, I keep freeing my feet out of the sand, but I can’t decide if I want to go in the water, or back to my beach chair, or walk along the beach to my right, or my left, or go get an ice cream cone. I’m just standing in the same place.
I think it is stemming from my current job situation. With out giving too many details, I work for a company that is being sold off by its parent company. Due to the pending sale, a lot of projects are in a holding pattern which has left many of us with a lot of free time on our hands and worries as to if we will continue to have jobs when the transaction is complete. Its given me a lot of free time to think about my life and career path and I have come to this conclusion:
I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
I am sure everyone has this feeling, I wish I has some sort of direction though. I know what I am good at, but what I am good at is becoming boring to me. My job is incredibly analytical; I’d love to stretch my creative muscles for a change. I need to find something that allows for that kind of transition. I know that everything happens for a reason, and for some reason, I am in this holding pattern. I am waiting in a hallway, to see which doors can be opened. I am sure that one will when the time is right.
- Holding Patterns (blue2darknight.wordpress.com)